I had been feeling very weird for over a week. I felt bloated, my stomach felt a little queasy, and I got dizzy every time I stood up. My period was over two weeks late, but I had been feeling a little crampy, so I thought maybe it was coming. But it didn't. So on Friday, I took a pregnancy test.
I suppose as I was taking it, I already knew what it was going to say. I had told a dear friend a few days earlier that I thought I was pregnant, but I said it as kind of a joke. Even though I laughed when I said it, it still felt true.
Is it ridiculous to think that I could tell this early? I've had friends and family not know they were pregnant until they were over three months along. The test began forming a control line just like all of the other pregnancy tests I've taken, but this time, a very faint cross was in the box next to it. This had never happened before. I wondered if I was imagining it. It was too light to really mean I was pregnant, right?
I read the instructions enclosed in box, and a little diagram below stated that the result was still positive, no matter how light the lines were. I stood there for a moment, staring at the test. This couldn't be happening. My husband and I have only been married.a year. We weren't planning on having children for at least 4 or 5 more years. I have to finish school. I have to become a writer.
But amidst the feelings of panic, I felt a little thrill of excitement. A baby. I love babies. Of course I've never spent more than 2 consecutive days with one since my youngest brother was born, and that was over 16 years ago. But it can't be that bad, can it? I marched upstairs, pregnancy test in hand, and handed it to my husband, who was sitting at his computer.
He stared at it for a long moment and then looked up at me. "Does this mean you're pregnant?"
He's been talking about wanting to have a baby for a few months now. He always says that if we have kids now, they'll be out of the house when we're 44. I'm not sure he's thought about those 18 years in between. But he was excited, and his excitement made me more excited. He wanted to call people right away.
"Don't you think we should wait until we go to the doctor?" I asked.
"No." he said, and grabbed the phone to call his parents. So since his parents knew, I figured I might as well tell my parents.
Last night we were at Matt's dad's for Father's Day, and my sister-in-law told me that she had a friend who had taken a test that came out positive, but when she went to the doctor, she wasn't really pregnant. Worried, I took another test as soon as we got home. This one was also positive, and the lines were really dark this time. Matt laughed at me.
So I'm having a baby, and I don't really know how to be a mother, or even how to be pregnant, for that matter. I called around and found a doctor today, one that was covered by our insurance and delivered babies at the hospital 5 blocks from our house. Our first appointment is July 8th. It's starting to feel more real, and I'm equal parts exited and nervous.
Matt's already been talking about names, and while it's a little soon for that, I'm happy that he's so exited. Now that I've had a few days to let it soak in, I'm pretty excited about it, too.
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